Memories

Saw a lovely photo today, of a friend and her sister when they were little. I remember them at that age, for I was as little as they were at the time.

Triggered some fond memories of their parents, in particular, their late mum. She is one of those parents who inspired me to listen to my inner voice. The one that says 'stop for a minute, stop what you're doing and cherish this moment with your young child because this time and moment, this innocent age, won't last forever'. Soon I'll be like my parents, watching my little one have her own family, a new generation, making her own scones and mistakes.

My eldest just turned 6 a couple of weeks ago. I gasped more when she turned 5 and started primary school. But this time, I accepted the upgrade without a flutter or a gush. Surprisingly. I leaned over the side of her bed, tucked her in and said 'Goodnight my little 5 year old' and she replied 'and I'm going to wake up 6!', thrilled with herself, content in blind knowledge. I love her naïve bones.

I recall my friend's mum being a sweet natured, creative soul. Humble and kind, from what I encountered while in their family's presence. I loved sitting with them for breakfast, following their daily routine in their beautiful, quirky home. And yet I'm reminded that she's sadly missed now. My friend and her sister are children without their mum, cancer being an unnatural thorn. Imperfection and illness - they don't sit well with me. Can't imagine they sit well with any of us really. So with that in mind, I turn to my favourite lyrics, accompanied by the sound of hope and I wish to grasp on to it. Because without it, things just don't make sense.

"Now, see yourself and see me too - and look ahead to a world that is new"

Cupcakes anyone?

My little girl asks for a playdate or an ice lolly from the shop or to play one of those games we keep high up on the shelf away from sticky, destructive fingers (baby brother), but quite honestly, she very rarely asks for something that makes my blood pressure sky rocket. 

She finishes her first year of primary school soon and I wanted to do something sweet and special, just for her. I asked her who she'd like to invite to her very own little party at home, and she decided on 2 friends in her class. So I decided it was a cupcake theme (she loves cupcakes). We set about making the invitations yesterday, and finished them within the hour. I'm all for recycling and being creative, but I'm also quite tired after a lovely weekend and a sad family bereavement, so I searched Pinterest.com for some inspiration. I saw some very cute cupcake invitations and thought, I could tweak those to suit our preferences (thank you to whoever originally made those invites, they're lovely!). My daughter loves hearts almost as much as I do, so she decided the cherries would be hearts, and her invitations would have hearts on them elsewhere. 

I couldn't find coloured card (they're stuffed in an inaccessible box in the spare room...) so we used a cereal box, cut it into long rectangles, covered it with paper (folded white A4 paper around so it covered the coloured/picture side of the cereal box card so you couldn't see it peeping through), then glued the paper on to it with Pritt stick. We cut the coloured paper into the shape of cupcake topping, glued it to the covered cardboard, added the heart-shaped cherry and then cut the cupcake case into shape after the glue had dried. She helped with the wording and some of the writing, I added the finishing touches including a balloon in each envelope. Little Miss T had plenty of suggestions (she's a chip off the ole block!) and here's the result ♥

An afternoon well spent together, mummy & daughter bonding project complete :)

We SHALL go to the ball!

Brought my little girl to the cinema to see Disney's 'Cinderella' last weekend. She loved it and so did I.

Nostalgia breezed through me as I watched the dance. I recall watching an old movie version of Cinderella with a beautiful dancing scene resembling this one. So elegant. So graceful. So poetic.

Times like these, I wish we were able to go back in time and relish the costumes in that era. Beautiful gowns.

To share a few handholding moments with my baby girl was just so lovely. She got scared when the carriage reverted back to a pumpkin, so we held hands and she squeezed up to me. I may have enjoyed the moment more than her. I plan for more bonding moments like these ♥

Our gorgeous 3 friends were with us, which made the day very special - full of fun, pizza, play, icecream and fairytale endings. My childhood best friend (often sidekicks) and her 2 adorable children. There are 3 months between us 2 and 6 months between our 2 girls. Ever so hopeful that we can make efforts to help them bond like we did many years ago. I don't have many childhood memories without my lovely friend, and it would be so cute to see how our little ones develop their own friendship. We have 1 girl, 1 boy each. Who knows! Maybe their friendships can have a happy never-ending just like their mummies, 30 years on... ♥♡

Love my two ♥

Overheard this funny moment today:

Teagan to Jude: "Was that funny, Jude?" (Obviously after doing something to amuse him)

Jude to Teagan, as clear as day: "Nope!"

(Photo credit goes to my Dad, after we assembled Teagy's loft bed earlier this week)

Fairytale Friday

Once upon a time...

A little blue-eyed boy fell asleep after a morning well spent with his Daddy on the ministry. He was so tired after his efforts and fell asleep to the glorious sounds of... wheels rolling on tarmac, big sister chatting and Daddy singing (probably). After approx. 2 hours, he woke up happy in his own cotbed. His Daddy presented him with a feast, full of some of his favourite things - sandwich, crisps, raisins, apple, 'stick bread' and drink with a side dish of cartoon and sisterly companionship. His voiceless Mummy bothers him by whispering his name, prompting him to turn for a quick photo in memory of her baby boy blue - eating sandwiches and apples no longer cut into small bite sizes - reluctant to let him grow so fast.

The Afternoon ♥

Memoirs of a brand new 30 year old ;)

Last weekend, I put a jacket in my 'give away' bag, couldn't bring myself to do it just yet, so took it right out again. Dan asked why, and I said 'smell it and you'll understand... or maybe you won't...' It still smells of my Grandma... I was 5 months pregnant with our little boy when she died. When both of my children do cute things, I send my Grandad, my parents and Dan's family a message or a photograph/video - and miss telling my Grandma every time. I still haven't deleted her mobile number from my phone.

I also share a soft toy apple with my cousins, bought in a local newsagents on the day our Nana died. It was something that made us smile on a difficult day and triggers a memory of a shared moment in time. I was going out with Dan at the time, so she didn't make my wedding and didn't meet our 2 little sweethearts. And I think of her often, suddenly tasting madeira cake in my mouth, smelling sweet milky tea and visualising Silvermints peaking out from behind a picture frame in her living room, I still remember her home phone number.

I used to email Uncle Kevin with anecdotes, photos and corny jokes, and we'd exchange lovely updates via texts from him about our little girls ('our' being his daughter Em and my daughter T who was 1 year and 3 months when he died). To me, he was so similar to my own Dad, his sense of humour and character, hence we got on well. I was very fond of him and his kind qualities. He reminded me of my Nana too, and I wish I was as good as they were at keeping in touch with extended family. I can't bring myself to delete his email address, it's still saved as a contact in my email account.

What probably started off this sentimental post was this - last night, I went to sleep in my 20's. This morning, I woke up in my 30's.

It's a funny feeling. Those of you who know me, know that I don't celebrate events such as birthdays, Mothers' day etc, any event with unchristian origins. It still makes an impression on me though, becoming a little older... perhaps I'll be taken a bit more seriously now. I found when people heard the word 'twenty' at the beginning of my age, it didn't seem to matter that I was a mum of 2, or that I'd quite possibly experienced some things they never had. It was all about a number. A low number. A number that indicates youth, lack of maturity.  I have a lovely friend, also a mum, gone through more things in life than I could even imagine. I feel she's nothing like others I know in our age group, certainly seems more mature than me at times, and she's a couple of years younger than me! The danger of assumption.

While I notice many I know are celebrating Mothers today, I hope I become worthy of my family, especially my children, celebrating me and my efforts more often than once a year. No need for chocolates, flowers or cuppa in bed (though all VERY welcome). A loving kiss, a warm affectionate cuddle (aka 'cwtch', Welsh word for such a hug) or a gesture from the heart is more than enough to help me feel appreciated and loved. Won't matter what age I'll be. As long as they love me. When my babies volunteer such gestures, I melt.

Be still, my beating heart  ♥

Letter to my daughter

Dear Teagan,

I knew about you 6 years ago, a scan introduced us formally and from then on, we got to know each other.

You had hiccups often, that didn't change much after you were born and these days, at the ripe old age of 5, you often like to argue with me about the best way to get rid of your hiccups.

You are sweet, sensitive, comical and stubborn. You know your own mind, just like me, your mum, and I love that about you (sometimes ;) ). I'm trying to bond with you more recently because I see you are growing up so fast and you and I are so similar in ways, we grate on each other at times. I don't want you thinking I don't care. I do care. A lot. I see similarities in you and I, as I see them in my own mum and I.

We're odd beings, you and I. We mean well, we take things personally and we stick our feet into the mud too much, but I'm told we're still very loveable. That matters too, kiddo. So take a deep breath, look around, see what and who truly matter in your life and embrace it. Friends will come and go but your family is your safety net, your haven.

We love you.

I love you.

Love Mum xx