When a daddy isn't well

This is the bit people rarely talk about. 

When a parent with young children has a debilitating medical condition, that has come on over time or suddenly, and the effects on the entire family.

Our 9 year old son burst into tears this evening, all of a sudden. I wasn't sure what triggered it but I knew he was feeling a lot. After gentle questions while my arm wrapped around him, I deciphered the puzzle. His daddy, who is recovering from Covid (we all are), was having his muscle spasms. A lovely but sad song had just played and our son just had all the feels in that moment.  Sadness, upset, drain, uncertainty, worry. 

When a parent becomes ill, roles seem to reverse a bit. Children become carers, sensitive to the needs of others around them. At first, I was really concerned. Wishing our kids didn't have to go through this at all, and thinking about how difficult it will be for them to cope.  After living in it for a while, I recognized that it might actually be our family's superpower, adopted out of necessity. 

I'm a firm believer in life experiences being a useful tool in later life, if and when others we know start to go through a similar experience. 

Navigating others through difficult life journeys, when you have no experience at all, is a minefield. 

I really appreciated when I could chat about cancer with friends who had been through it and who had lost their parent to this awful disease. So now, almost 6 years later, I've found myself supporting others as their family members steer and veer through their cancer journeys and otherwise. I feel more powerful because of my own valuable, valid experiences. Hopeful and confident that my friends know I understand a measure of what they are going through. 

Sharing is not easy, but as we go along, we need to share. It's essential for coping. Without a hand or a shoulder, we can dive blindly into choppy waters and feel helpless while trying to tread. Humans need each other. It's how we're created.

So from our little family to yours, please know we get you. We try not to dwell on the negatives but we choose to be open and honest about our experience, in the hope it helps another family. Let's all do this if we can. It can be quite cathartic.